My 10 day Vipassana course experience

बुद्धम शरणम् गच्छामि, धम्मं शरणम् गच्छामि, संघम शरणम् गच्छामि । 

Buddham saranam gacchami, Dhammam saranam gacchami, Sangham saranam gacchami.

I seek the shelter of Buddha (one who is enlightened), I seek the shelter of dharma (the ultimate wisdom), I seek the shelter of sangha (the company of virtuous people).

Back in November 2011, I was visiting Water Kingdom in Mumbai. When we landed on the island, a beautiful under construction pagoda caught my eye. Outside the pagoda was a poster describing a 10 day Vipassana meditation course in which you are not allowed to speak, read or write, are completely cut off from the outside world and just meditate the whole time. I don't know since when, but anything related to minimalist living has always attracted me and I felt an immediate liking for the course. Then was not the time, so I made a mental note to try this course some day.

The Pagoda at the California Vipassana Center

After moving to the valley, in the last 3 years, I happened to meet many people at Google and outside, who had done this course and had only one thing to say: it had changed their life for good. In August this year, while walking towards my office, I met Sonali who told me she was going for Vipassana in the December holidays, again. At that moment, I decided I am going to do the same. The registration for course was going to start on Sept 15th, and not wanting to miss the opportunity, I woke up early that day and got myself enrolled for the course. The course is free and is run on "pay it forward" model - where past students who liked the course donate to sponsor future students. The course was going to start on 24th Dec, so I had to make sure was that I don't chicken out before that. I did have second thoughts a couple of times, but persisted and fast forward to 24th Dec, found myself carpooling to the California Vipassana Center (CVC) with 4 other people.

Before the course

Preparation

To make sure that I get the most out of my 10 days there, I started researching in advance which included meeting past students and reading other people's experiences online. Three common pieces of advice that I got were:

1. Try to find a good sitting posture in which you spine is straight and in which you are comfortable sitting for long durations. I watched a few youtube videos to learn how to sit with spine straight and left the "comfortable sitting for long durations part" to be decided during the course. During the course, I started with a full lotus posture, and quickly realized that it makes my feet go numb, so shifted to simple cross legged posture after a while. What posture you use is generally not as important and what matters the most is that you can maintain it for a while and that your spine is straight.

2. Avoid reading about other people's experiences during the course, everybody is different and will have different experiences. Having some experiential milestone in mind is the easiest way to flunk the course. (Described in detail later.) . As a corollary, I will skip the details of things I experienced while meditating and will only cover the common parts here.

3. You don't need any preparation, you will be taken care of well :).

The journey

One person in our carpool had done this course 7-8 times before. He described how this course has changed his life. I asked him, in the course all we will do is focus on our breath and body sensations, how could that change someone's life? He smiled and told me that I will find that myself during the course.

The center

The center was located in the beautiful Yosemite valley. It felt as if I was back in vedic times. It was located in a remote location, surrounded by dense redwood forests and mountains. Sometimes, we could see deers roaming in the campus.

The center is run entirely by volunteers. These are past students of the course and are now back to do seva (service). They prepare meals for the current students, take care of management and other logistics. Everything there was well documented and efficiently organized. Someone told me that the food recipe was also so precisely documented that even someone who has no prior cooking experience can cook!

During the course, men and women are not allowed to interact. So they have different cafeteria and dorms for each sexes. The entire center was divided in two parts for each sexes. The meditation hall was shared though, with women sitting on one half and men on another. We had our own separate walking paths so as to not get distracted by even the sight of a member of opposite sex. This was important as the course required following a few moral principles (described later), one of which was avoiding sexual misconduct. And Buddhism places equal weight to thoughts as well as to actions.

The Dhamma Hall

After arriving at the center, we were allotted our dorm rooms. The rooms were pretty good, comparable to those of a cheap motel and certainly much better than my IIT hostel room :).

Our dorm

Orientation

In the evening, we had an orientation session where we were told about the various rules we had to observe during the course, our schedule and other important instructions. In particular, we had to follow 5 rules, called sheela (शील). They were abstaining from: killing, false speech, stealing, sexual misconduct and intoxicants. Since false speech is so much ingrained in us that if we speak at all, we will end up lying at some point, we were asked to not speak at all during the entire course. The other advantages of not speaking was that it helps you focus on meditation, otherwise the conversations you just had with someone over lunch will come back to you when you meditate. Not speaking was to be practiced with so much rigor, that we refrained from making any gestures also and even avoided eye contact with others and would look down when others were around.

The Technique

The history

It is said that the Indian civilization had long known this technique and many ancient sages used to practice it. But it was lost and was rediscovered by the most recent Buddha - Gautama. He predicted that this technique will again be wiped out of India, but will find a home in Burma and from there, it will come back to India and then will spread to the rest of the world like a wildfire. Sidenote: There have been many Buddhas (enlightened one) before and will be many more in future. Siddhartha Gautama is the most recent one and his claim was that all the Buddhas before him and all those after him will have the same teaching.

The teacher

The course is taught by SN Goenkaji. He passed away in 2013, but the course is taught through his recorded videos. He was once a rich businessman of Indian origin living in Burma. Some personal troubles brought him to the practice and he learnt Vipassana from U Ba Khin, the attorney general of Burma for about 20 years. He benefitted so much from it that he came to India for a few days to teach his parents. In his first course, he taught his parents and a couple of other folks, who loved it so much that they requested him to do a course for their close ones. There was no stopping this chain reaction and now millions of people are practicing it throughout the world. Talk about virality using word of mouth!

The philosophy

According to Buddha, the root of all miseries of life are just the two habits of mind - aversion and craving. We despise what we have and long for what we don't. If only we could detach ourselves from these feelings, we will not only be liberated from the miseries of life, but also will achieve nirvana and become free from the cycle of birth and death. One way to achieve this equanimity is to train our mind to remember that everything in this material world is temporary and will pass. In Vipassana you do this by observing the passing nature of your own body. By doing this, you gradually achieve samadhi (one pointedness) and finally nirvana (liberation).

A typical day

The schedule was pretty excruciating, and would require 12+ hours of meditation every day. I wasn't very sure before the course if I would be able to follow it, but it felt manageable on the first day and towards the end of the course, I was meditating even during the break hours.

04:00 am	Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am	Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am	Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am	Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am	Meditate in the hall or in your room
11:00-12:00	Lunch break
12-1:00 pm	Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm	Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm	Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm	Meditate in the hall or in your room
5:00-6:00 pm	Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm	Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm	Teacher's Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm	Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm	Question time in the hall
9:30 pm	Retire to your own room--Lights out

Though taking a bath before the morning meditation was not required, I would generally get up at 3:45 am and get ready. After that we would meditate for two hours. Although we could meditate in our rooms, I preferred meditating in the dhamma hall. On most days, I would doze off every now and then, would go out, walk a bit, try a few yoga asanas and then get back to meditating. After that we would break off for breakfast. The food was really good and the breakfast was my favorite meal, followed by lunch (there was no dinner :P). New students were allowed to eat fruits in the evening, old students were permitted only green tea. Before signing up, food was my big worry as I eat a lot (like a lot, more than what most people do). But after a couple of days into the course my body adjusted and since we were just sitting the whole day, we didn't need much energy anyway.

After the meals, I would take long walks in surrounding forest to get my daily quota of exercise.

The trails around the center.

After breakfast, I would stop here and watch the Sun rise from the beautiful Yosemite Valley.

For the three group sittings, everyone had to be present in the hall and we had audio instructions by Goenka ji. After the lunch we had the opportunity to meet the TA personally and ask any questions that we may have. This was the only exception to the no talking rule.

In the evening, we had 1 hour discourse by Goenkaji in which he would explain what we did during the day, why we did it and what we are going to do the next. He is an amazing speaker, so much that everyday, by the evening, I would start craving for his session and after his session, I would feel so energized that I would literally run to my room and could not wait for the next day to get started and begin my practice. I sometimes thought, that if not a Vipassana teacher, he could have been a successful military general :).

The lectures were in english. I requested my lectures in hindi as I had heard they contained many references specific to Indians. The hindi lectures, because of the additional stories, were a little longer than the english ones, so made the baniya in me a little happier!

The course

For the first 3.5-4 days, we practiced a technique called Anna Panna (instructions). During this, you focus your attention on your nostrils and observe the incoming and outgoing breath. At any moment, there are subtle sensations present in every part of our body but we generally can't feel them because of the gross sensations, just like we can't see stars in the bright sunlight. By focussing our attention on a small body part like nostrils, our mind becomes sharper and we start observing these subtle sensations. Initially, you feel nothing, then you start feeling where the breath touches the nostrils, then the temperature and moisture difference between the incoming and outgoing breath and then the subtle sensations happening every moment.

After this, we move on to the main technique, called Vipassana. In it, we try to observe the same sensations throughout the body. By the end of the course, one is generally able to feel sensations in parts as small as the tip of a needle. The important goal throughout the exercise is to remain equanimous to every sensation - either pleasant or unpleasant, or the lack of and just observe how these sensations appear and disappear like waves in an ocean. By doing this, you train your mind to remember about the passing nature of matter and how nothing physical is permanent, so as to not be attached to it. Thus, you move from bhokta bhav (being a subject) to drista bhav (being an observer).

The implications

As you progress into the practice, you create a small separation between the stimuli of external world and your mind. You start "seeing things as they are" and not as what your mind projects to you. Gradually, instead of reacting blindly to external stimuli, you start analyzing what happened, what you are doing, why you are doing it and if it is the right thing to do.

Some Profound Elements

Thinking is becoming

Buddha claims that we generally don't crave for a thing, we crave for a sensation. That is the reason our desires are never fulfilled as the moment we get what we desired, our mind starts craving for the sensation and attaches it to some other object.  Similarly, an alcoholic is not addicted to alcohol, he is addicted to the sensation that alcohol produces. So if one can train his mind to respond to a particular sensation differently, one can change one's habit.

Intentions matter more than actions

Buddhism focuses a lot more on thoughts than Hinduism in my opinion. Just a good or bad thought is enough to leave a karmic footprint on you.

Who is the most important person in your life?

Here is a quiz. Without reading further, take a moment and answer this question and then read ahead.

Once, King Prasenjeet of Kosala and his queen, both students of Buddha, were meditating and this question came to both of them. After the meditation, they asked each other what their answers were and they were both surprised - their answer was that the most important person for each of them were they themselves. They went to Buddha and told him about this thought. On listening this, Buddha smiled affectionately and blessed both of them that you have identified the biggest weakness that humans suffer from, that is being attached to "I", now all you have to do is work on it. Most people don't even get this far.

This story really got me thinking. All my interactions with people around me, with family, friends or society at large, are just based on my own convenience. Relations go sour when they stop serving their purpose. This also reminded me of a story "ठूँठा आम" (Dead Mango Tree) by Bhagvat Sharan Upadhyay that I read during school days in which a lifeless Mango tree is lamenting how once he used to be the center of attraction of the birds, plants and people and now that he is dying, no one even looks at him.

The other key takeaway was how ego is involved in almost everything we do and how blind does it makes us. Kabir writes something similar about the dangers of ego:

दोष पराये देखि के, चले हसंत हसंत ।

अपने याद न आवहिं, जा को आदि न अंत ॥ 

Dosh paraaye dekhi ke, chale hasant hasant |

Apane yaad na aavai, Jaa ko aadi na ant || 

Seeing the faults of others, one smiles derisively,

But can’t see so many of one’s own, the list of which has no beginning or end!

The story of Prince Rama

One day during evening discourse Goenkaji was talking about how it's better to emulate the qualities of the gods / saints we worship than to just blindly worship them. His comment on Lord Rama really touched me. He read a verse describing that when the King Dashratha asked Price Rama to abandon his claim of the throne and leave everything to go to the forest, Price Rama walked out of the royal palace without even a fringe of attachment, just like a guest leaves his host's house. "Just like a guest leaves his host's house", I told to myself. I started to wonder if I were in his place, would I feel the same? Probably not, and the reason would have had been all the dreams that I have had about becoming the King etc. I wondered if it was possible to live without dreams and ambitions. Probably not. Then how did Rama did it? May be because his dreams and ambitions were different, may be all he dreamt of was to serve others and follow dharma. Then the question comes, without any material objectives, is it possible to live in a material world? Wouldn't we all have to become renunciates if we were to do that? I am still not sure. But that line is etched in my mind, "Just like a guest leaves his host's house".

The patch of compassion

On day 6, a thought troubled me for almost the whole day before Goenkaji cleared it up in the evening discourse. This was in a way, a testimonial of how great a teacher he is. This happened to me a few times and many other students, that Goenkaji magically knew what was bothering us and he addresses the issue in that day's evening discourse.

So coming back to my thoughts, I felt that this whole philosophy had a serious flaw. If everything in this material world is temporary and will pass, why bother doing anything? If you see a thief robbing someone, why bother saving the victim as everything is temporary anyway. This didn't seem right as not only this will cut you off from the world but also will bring utter chaos. 

Later that day Goenkaji introduced a new concept, which the nerd in me calls the patch of compassion. So, the deal is that not just you have to be equanimous, but you also have to be compassionate to your fellow beings. This patch makes sure that you remain in the world, just interact with it differently. So you should try to stop the thief from stealing and it may even require violence, but do it out of compassion to stop the poor fellow from doing something bad to his own self and not out of hate. This is like a mother slapping a kid adamant on playing with a knife. The slap is out of love and not because of any ill will. As mentioned earlier, intent matters the most.

My Experiences

The difficulty level

I was expecting the whole practice to be very difficult. Surprisingly, I found myself at ease from the very beginning. Not speaking was not a problem with me at all, although I did see many people having difficulty dealing with it. Sitting and meditating whole day didn't turn out very difficult either. My biggest worry before the course was that I will be bored, but surprisingly the practice was so intense that I didn't have any free time to get bored! Yes, even after 12 hours of meditation a day. Every single minute, I was working towards a goal, so there was no free time to get bored.

On day 6, I got distracted for a couple of hours though. I was not making a lot of progress in my meditation and was having trouble keeping up with the class. I started wondering if it was a mistake to come here and if I lost precious 10 days of my life. I wondered about how I could have travelled to a beautiful new place or wrote some code. But then I realized that I had already committed myself to the practice and it's difficult if I will ever find 10 days to try something like this again, so I told myself, pass or fail, let's give this everything I have got and see what comes out of it. I became so determined after this, that I even started meditating during the rest hours, not wanting to waste even a minute during the rest 4 days.

Bhagvad Geeta and Vipassana

Surprisingly, I found many elements of Vipassana coherent with what is mentioned in Bhagvad Geeta (subject to the best of my understanding, of course). The essence of Vipassana is to be equanimous to everything, knowing the temporary nature of matter. Geeta asks you to offer all your actions to Krishna and accept the results with gratitude no matter what they are. In a way, they are just different ways of reaching the same destination. The former is called Gyana Yoga and the latter, Bhakti Yoga. Similarly, Vipassana places a lot of emphasis on controlling one's mind. Geeta, says:

bandhur ātmātmanas tasya yenātmaivātmanā jitaḥ
anātmanas tu śatrutve vartetātmaiva śatru-vat

For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends;
but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy.

Food, food and food

During meditation many distracting thoughts keep coming to your mind. For most people these are memories from past, any unresolved feelings or sexual thoughts. For me the most frequent ones were about food. I eat a lot, so during meditation I would often feel hungry and somehow would image a spoon full of kheer (rice pudding) going in my mouth. Then I would joke with myself that this was my Sujata's Kheer (the rice pudding after eating which Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment).

Names

Since we were not allowed to talk to each other, we didn't know each other's name. So people started giving each other a metal name based on their observed habits. I mentally started calling someone who always showed up in a half sleeve jacket and slippers despite the intense cold as the sailor guy, someone who always looked sad and struggling as the sad guy and someone who never moved even a bit during meditation as the stud ("outstanding" in IITB lingo) guy.

On the last day when we were talking, someone walked up to me and told me that he had named me "the food guy" as I ate so much :P. I burst into laughter and thanked him for the compliment :). Someone else told me that he would always look at my plate and wonder if I was carrying food for someone else as well. And someone else mentioned that it was a joy watching the satisfying feeling on my face while I ate oranges during the evening snack. In my defense, the oranges were really sweet and I had never eaten like those ever before!

After coming back

Now it would be too much to expect to change the habits of a lifetime entirely in just 10 days, but I can say for sure that I do feel a little bit of change in myself. Now, I often introspect about my actions afterwards and what drove them - ego, envy, lust, hate or anger. Hopefully, one day, I would be able to move this thought before the reaction state. 

Though Goenkaji recommends an hour of practice in the morning and evening everyday, I can't do it, so I try to do that over weekends. The practice involves taking an adhistan (resolve) to sit (in a cross legged position) with your hands in your lap and eyes closed and not move your legs or hands or open your eyes. I have done this many times now, but every single time, this still feels like a battle with my mind. During the practice, for no reason, sometimes my back would start hurting or my knee will reel in pain or I would feel itching sensation throughout the body or I will feel extreme heat and sweat profusely. Buddhist philosophy considers these as vikaras (defects) of past karmas surfacing, which are trying to steer the mind away from it's natural state of calmness. Some of these times, my mind will convince me to drop the adhistan and get up. But gradually, I feel more and more in control of my own mind. I will tell myself that I am not getting up no matter what, and I would see the pain subside gradually - demonstrating it is anichya (pali word for anitya, temporary that is). In many ways, this struggle is similar to the one I have when I am running long distances.

I am still far from the state where I have created a small buffer between external stimuli and my response to it and where I am in full control of my mind, but as they say, even the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and a step taken in the right direction, is a step well taken.

For The Curious Ones

A talk by Goenkaji at Harvard 

Official dhamma website

Vipassana centers in India and US.

Parting words

If you managed to read thus far, I would highly recommend you to try Vipassana at least once in your lifetime and when better than the next vacations! In the worst case, you would have wasted 10 days of your life and you can go back to whatever you have been doing so far in your life. In the best case, your life will never be the same again and for good. If you have any question, feel free to leave a comment here or drop me a message.

For me personally, I consider myself blessed that I got the opportunity to do this and am extremely grateful to all those (especially Sonali, Gurmeet and Nikhil) who planted the seed of curiosity in me. With this blog post, I am hoping to do the same to someone else.

भवतु सब्ब मंगलम् । भवतु सब्ब मंगलम् । भवतु सब्ब मंगलम् ।  

Bhavatu sabba mangalam. Bhavatu sabba mangalam. Bhavatu sabba mangalam. 

May all beings be happy. May all beings be happy. May all beings be happy.